June 23, 2009

Desperate Cry For Help

Okay Lord, I know this day is going to be terrible if I do not submit it to you. I know I will be completely ineffective as a wife and mother if I do not rely on your strength to carry me through this day, to be obedient to your word.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire
besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
Psalm 73:25-28
Why does it take a frustrating night, or long day with children to make me realize that I haven't been relying fully on God's grace to carry me through? Why do I have to be pulling my hair out and wondering why am I so angry all the time? Why am I upset with my 3-year old constantly? To make me wake up and understand, oh yeah, I haven't actually fed off of God's Word today. I haven't committed this day into His hands. Whatever happens today, or during the night, is in His plan. It may not be in mine, but that doesn't matter. It's in His.
I have been blaming the last couple of days of frustration on the idea that we must be tired from our camping trip. Ha. Are we already back to this place? Believing lies, instead of taking responsibility for sin? Call sin what it is! SIN! I can't control my circumstances, but I can control my reactions to those circumstances, and quite often I trample over those I love the most, making them my target for nasty attitudes or words. Oh Lord, help me. There is nothing good in this heart of mine. Nothing good at all. But you have redeemed it! You have taken up residense in here! Shine through this awful flesh, take over and empower me to do what you would have me do today.


Anonymous said...

It's like you took my heart and laid it out here - thank you for reminding me to be faithful, to be dependent, to be humble to our King.

Anonymous said...

you're learning a lot these days. wanna talk soon?