October 5, 2011

Revisit A Favorite Resource

Thought I would re-post this from 2007! Much has changed in our family's situation. Three more little ones have entered our family since writing this, we have sold the house my husband worked on renovating for 6 years, and we are learning French in Quebec City before we move to Africa! One thing remains though -  and that is my husband's desire for friendship with me..... I invite you to read on about what Eggerich's has to say from his excellent book Love & Respect.

Relationship - His desire for Friendship (Originally posted to this blog in 2007)

This chapter totally made sense to me and I bear testimony of this being true in my marriage. My husband always has different projects going on, with the house, the vehicles, with his guns, etc. When the weather was warmer, and he was outside working in his shop or in the yard, he would ask me to just come outside. He didn't expect me to do anything, he just wanted me to be watching or nearby. I quickly learned that he didn't even necessarily want to talk about anything. Just having me outside was enough.

Our evening routine is the television. We put our daughter to bed, and then both of us seem to veg out watching a sitcom or something on Discovery Channel (my husband's favorite of which I found funny the author used that as his example). I've often felt guilty that we're not doing something more meaningful in the evenings. Shouldn't we be talking or playing a game, or something together? After reading what Eggerichs says about the husband's need for relationship, and what it means to him, I realized that I am doing exactly what my husband wants. It doesn't matter that we're not having dynamic conversations every minute that we're together. All my husband wants, is for me to be with him.
Your Husband will Feel You Value His Shoulder-to-Shoulder Friendship When:
  • you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).
  • you respond to his invitation to engage in recreational activites together or you come along ot watch him.
  • you enable him to open up and talk to you as you do things shoulder to shoulder.
  • you encourage him to spend time alone, which energizes him to reconnect with you later.
  • You don't denounce his shoulder-to-shoulder activites
    with his male friends to get him to spend more face-to-face time with you. Respect his friendships, and he will be more likely to want you to join him shoulder to shoulder at other times.
So, how about your experience with your husband? Does he fit this description? I'd be interested in hearing about it!


Chelsea said...

Hey Karina,

LOVE LOVE this book!
I did it as a study with some ladies at church, and it has helped Alex and my relationship so much....especially the chapter you are referring to in this post!
BTW: love your blog! so inspiring!

~Chelsea McDonald

The Barbers said...

I was thinking about picking up this book again as a refresher. It was really encouraging to me and gave me insights that I had never considered before.

I just received the companion journal that goes along with "Created to Be His Help Meet" which is another excellent resource. Very bold and biblically based, very counter cultural! :)