Rejoicing in a Desert

This desert experience of mine isn't a tragedy or cause for grief or sadness. But I have recognized that I am in a difficult season. Perhaps I will look back on it one day and realize it wasn't really that difficult. But right now, it feels difficult.

What is a desert? Well, it's a hard place. A place of deprivation. A difficult situation. It can be prolonged. It can be a time when we face intense temptation. The desert could involve feelings of fear, or anxiety. What's going to happen next? What about this? or that? A desert could be spiritual dryness. You may not be certain why, you aren't conscious of any sin, but God's Word doesn't seem to be much more than words on the page.

I am certain that God wants to reveal Himself to me in the midst of my desert. He desires that I draw near to Him, cry out to Him, dig deeper in His Word - search for His promises. I am hopeful He will teach me something invaluable during this desert season. I can think of another desert I went through a couple of years ago, and when I look back on that desert experience, God was right in the center of it.

Lord, meet me in the desert today.

I will rejoice in the desert, as I look up to Him and anticipate great things from my Father.

September Already?!

Growing up, summer always seemed to fly by and not much has changed now that I am older. Summer still goes by far too quickly. But perhaps time is just zooming by in general! Even though summer (my favorite season) comes and goes in a blur, I still looked forward to September. It marks new beginnings. Being homeschooled (and fond of school work) I was anxious to begin new work and I had the opportunity to see some of what my mom was preparing for the new year. September also marked the beginning of weekly Bible Study or AWANA club at church, Youth Group, or Bible Quizzing. Growing up on Vancouver Island, and later living in the lower mainland of BC also meant we were entering nine long months of gray weather. I am excited to experience autumn here in Quebec. I have been told it is a beautiful season, perhaps the favorite among most people here.
As we begin a new season here and changes in weather and activity and perhaps feelings toward things, I am reminded that God never changes. He is the same today, yesterday and forever, and I am so thankful. As quickly as time passes, and things change, I can be sure that God never does, and He is just as loving and forgiving as He has always been.
So, in the hustle and bustle of mothering, being a student, being a teacher (myself) and relocating to another continent, I can rest in Christ and focus on the steadfastness of His love and promises to me.

Colossians 3:1-2

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."
Col. 3:1-2

I have been pondering these two verses over the past week or so and am amazed at how many times this concept has come up with different Bible studies or even the sermon at church on Sunday.

Reality Check - I am so thankful

My husband came home from work last night and told me a story about somebody's close friend at work. This friend has a little girl (about our own daughter's age, 2) and she was playing in the soccer field where her daddy plays soccer with other friends. Last weekend she was perfectly happy and healthy, running around, being two. :) Shortly afterward, perhaps that evening, she started coming down with flu-like symptoms... by Monday or Tuesday evening, she was airlifted to Children's Hospital. But before they arrived at the hospital, she had already passed away. The doctors diagnosed her with bacterial meningitis.

After hearing this story, I feel thankful to have my daughter with me each day, and I am also reminded of how fragile life really is; we really don't know what our futures hold. But we do know that God knows each day of our lives. I am reminded of one of my favourite hymns: Because He Lives

-- Because He lives I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives all fear is gone;
because I know He holds the future.
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

Be Careful What You Pray For

So, for the past while I've been reflecting on the fact that I don't have many people, or any people, to really witness to. My circle of friends are Christian! And since I've stopped working outside the home, I no longer encounter situations to share my faith, in a verbal sense, or at all! Well, after praying that my husband would be a light in his workplace and sieze opportunities to witness, I also prayed that I would have an opportunity and recognize people who need Jesus too.......

On my walk today I encountered such an experience. Luckily I was with my sister-in-law, so I wasn't alone talking with a stranger. But this person came straight up to us and began a conversation regarding the environment, and "electric cars" specifically. He was rallying people to fight for a common cause... in this case "electric cars" and saving the environment. Anyhow, somehow our conversation deepened, and I couldn't bring myself to tell him to get lost and that we just wanted to walk by ourselves.

This man was searching, and searching hard. He thought it absolutely necessary to learn about all religions and find out which one suited him best. Interesting, since my husband and I had just finished a conversation about that the night before. We decided that besides God telling us, through Romans, that we are to stay away from all other false teachings, if we immerse ourselves in the Bible we will learn what we need to counter false teaching and religion!

It saddened me to see a man with such fervor to make a difference in the world and to bring peace among mankind was looking in all the wrong places. The answer is right under his nose, but he is determined to search out everything first.

Ponderings - People Will Let Us Down

Today is different, I don't have any devotional to post... I'm just musing as I ponder ideas and rumage through my thoughts for scenes in the novel I've attempted writing.

It shouldn't be difficult to think of ways people let us down. And I'm not saying that because I am surrounded by terrible people. On the contrary, I am blessed to be surrounded by some VERY WONDERFUL people! However; being human, we do not cease to let one another down once in a while. We can't be all for all. And until we find true satisfaction in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we will never be truly satisfied.

I will continue mulling this one over...

In The Last Hour...

In the last hour the pain had become almost unbearable. The time was nearing. We had been for countless strolls up and down the short little road leading from the stable to the Inn. The streets had quieted down as many travelers had found lodging and were settled in for the night now. The sky was bright with millions of twinkling stars. One star shone so brightly overhead that it seemed as though two moons were out this night. Joseph had constructed a small mattress of hay and covered it with two sacks we had brought with us on our journey. He had emptied the manger to ready it for his newborn son.

It seemed more comfortable to stand, and Joseph was quick to my aid when a contraction hit. They seemed to come one after the other now, with very little rest in between. This child would be born soon. One woman from the Inn had come to see us in the last hour. She offered her help if we needed, but Joseph had quietly requested privacy. It was amazing he desired to witness this event. I hadn’t known of any husband who actually wanted to be present at a birth. He realized the significance of this birth though. The angel had explained the impact this child would make in the world. Joseph didn’t want to miss a minute.

Finally the time was here. The child was born quickly and peacefully. The Savior of the world had arrived. The promised Son of God spoken of by hundreds of prophets for generations was finally here.

A Christmas Visit

The commotion was to be expected at this time of year. Caesar had declared a census and weary travelers had come from all over. This particular day, however, was no ordinary day during the time of the census. The temple floor was cool under my feet. I padded down toward the main courtyard where my friend Simeon watched. Stopping, and peering out from a corner, I could see him just sitting. His old frame looked calm, as he hunched. A bony chin rested on mature hands, and he looked patient. Wise eyes looked to and fro. People came and went, passed him by and some even stopped to say to hello. He smiled and sat quiet. My own elderly body was creaking as I thought to sit and rest for a moment as I watched this scene. I found myself seated on an old wooden chair and continued to watch. All of the sudden, I saw Simeon jump up, which was an amazing site in itself. Further down the way I could see a couple approaching. The young girl was hunched over slightly and sort of shuffling. She had her arm looped through a man’s, who was obviously her husband. He stood tall, and in his other arm, held a small bundle. Was this the day? So many families had come and gone through the years. How would we recognize God’s chosen? Simeon met the family. I wanted a glimpse of this child. I would have to move closer.

“Lord, now I can die in peace! As you promised me, I have seen the Savior you have given to all people. He is a light to reveal God to the nations, and he is the glory of your people Israel!” Simeon was praising God as he took the baby into his arms. His face glowed as he gently rocked the bundle and worshiped the Lord. Praise be to the Lord God, for fulfilling your promise to the prophets of old. Praise the Lord, who shows wonderful miraculous events to your prophet Anna.

My Cesarean Experience

After deciding I would rather try experiencing birth without having my water broken for me, an IV inserted, an epidural administered, I found myself experiencing all of the above. Next thing I knew I was being wheeled down to the operating room for a cesarean section. My body would not respond to the epidural or the nerve block, so I underwent general anesthetic.

Early on in my pregnancy, I decided that I would like to have my baby naturally, or as naturally as possible. I had educated myself as well as I could, but if you’ve ever had a baby, you know that all the research in the world cannot prepare you for the actual experience and no matter how much planning you do, the way it all pans out will not be predicted.

Choking on the breathing tube that had been removed, I woke up in a daze. The nurses in recovery were talking about my baby girl. While my eyes were barely open, I heard them ask me if I knew how much my baby weighed and if it was a boy or a girl. Once I had groggily answered them correctly, and they quickly wheeled me upstairs to the maternity ward to greet my daughter. Once I arrived in my hospital room I saw the two of them out of the corner of my eye. Her father was holding her. I heard Faith’s newborn cry and he said softly, “She wants to eat, mommy.” The emotions that overwhelmed me shortly after meeting her and nursing her for the very first time were a mixture of happiness and sadness, triumph and failure, bravery and fear.

Of course, I was happy. Here we were. My beautiful newborn baby in my arms; as perfect as human life can possibly be; un-tainted by anything this world represents. Her soft pink skin and feather-like brown hair felt so good against me. She even smelled perfect. When she slept, she displayed absolute peace. When I saw her father cradle her in his big arms and stroke her face with his rough finger, I knew that we had a long road ahead of us. A road filled with wonderful happy memories, and countless challenges we would be tested on. Even though happiness overwhelmed me, I felt a deep sadness. This experience of pregnancy was over for now. Feeling the baby swim and squirm inside was done with. She was out. Starting now, we were responsible for her, and what her young life would experience in the world. No longer safe in the confinement and security of mommy’s womb.

Whatever sadness was felt, I couldn’t help having a sense of triumph over the situation. Another bridge crossed; another stone turned over; a chapter finished. I had been through pregnancy and birthed a child. I was now really what I had always grown up wanting to be: wife and mother. That goal was now attained. Why was my sense of triumph tainted by failure? Well, the process of her birth, of course. No matter how many people said, “You birthed your baby,” “Your body didn’t fail you,” “At least you and your baby are healthy,” or “Interventions are here to save lives,” nothing could really make me feel as though I had not failed at this. My body was supposed to be able to birth a child without being sliced open, right? As ridiculous as it may sound, I felt as though cesarean was the ‘weaker’ woman’s way of having a child. I wasn’t as tough as those who had given birth vaginally. I hadn’t conquered that part of child-birth. Yes, I could grow a baby, but could I actually push it out the way nature meant it to be?

Hoping to overcome this fear of the unknown by going through childbirth, I hadn’t felt more fearful now. Questions and thoughts about my next birthing experience plagued me during the recovery in the hospital and even at home for the first while. I wanted to have a large family. Faith needs brothers and sisters. Again I found myself asking if I can do this. No matter the fear I felt, bravery did slip in every once in a while. Pregnancy and birth is a scary and risky miracle. God walked us through the entire experience and allowed these events to happen. Whatever failure I felt, He allowed both me and my daughter to be safe and healthy at the end. Even though things weren’t the way we had expected, God gave me the strength and courage to go through the scary and disappointing situations. My midwife said it best: Birth is the very first lesson you get in parenting. It’s not always, and very rarely, the way you plan.